Il libro è ordinabile a Akkuaria editore: veraambra@akkuaria.com
Un’ email di Hannah su Angelika e me
----- Original Message -----
It is after midnight and I just fetched my computer to sit under the blankets in
my bed and write you, briefly, in my own language. I was lying awake thinking
about you. Thinking you deserved better than that misspelled inarticulate
letter. Remembering what you said and what I observed of your relationship with
Angelika.
I want for you what I once wanted for myself and gave up on long ago.that you
can live out the rest of your life "in" love. In its warmth and protection. As
I think you have loved Angelika, and been loved by her, I hope this crisis
passes and you continue together. I ask myself if you could go live in Austria
and then remember your family and know how hard that would be. But I can
imagine that for her too it is difficult to live, and age, in another country.
Fabrizio you and I live our experience with different metaphors, different
ideas.you write of Angelika's daimon that does not want her to be happy. I can’t
understand that way of speaking. I also remember your saying (as we were
descending a path in the Boboli) that you sometimes felt she was giving up the
struggle, and you hated to see that.as she was proud, and 'fiesty' we would
say in English, and you loved that in her.
You speak of the daimon.and I, perhaps because I am still only months away from
my mother's death, but also because everyone I saw in California is ageing, and
some seriously ill..I think life itself, in its very structure, is certainly
not made for our happiness. And for just that reason I wish for you all the
stubborn determination necessary to forge happiness for yourself, and for those
you love, out of nothing if necessary.
An uncle of mine, ill, recently wrote."when there is no reason for hope one must
create it."
I hope for you Fabrizio.first of all that you will hang on to your hope. Then
that your relationship will survive this crisis if that can be, and if it is
not to be that you will survive its end without becoming bitter.....that would
demean you. And without denigrating in any way a love that has lasted for
years. Of which you have been worthy.
What can I say? I remember your standing beside a train track. And the way your
collar was turned up against the cold. I remember your saying the winter was
hard for you. I care for your well-being very very much. Take care of yourself
knowing that you are esteemed and cherished. I embrace you dear friend.
Hannah[1]
To: Fabrizio
Sent: Friday, December 22, 2006 5:04 AM
Dear Fabrizio,
It is after midnight and I just fetched my computer to sit under the blankets in
my bed and write you, briefly, in my own language. I was lying awake thinking
about you. Thinking you deserved better than that misspelled inarticulate
letter. Remembering what you said and what I observed of your relationship with
Angelika.
I want for you what I once wanted for myself and gave up on long ago.that you
can live out the rest of your life "in" love. In its warmth and protection. As
I think you have loved Angelika, and been loved by her, I hope this crisis
passes and you continue together. I ask myself if you could go live in Austria
and then remember your family and know how hard that would be. But I can
imagine that for her too it is difficult to live, and age, in another country.
Fabrizio you and I live our experience with different metaphors, different
ideas.you write of Angelika's daimon that does not want her to be happy. I can’t
understand that way of speaking. I also remember your saying (as we were
descending a path in the Boboli) that you sometimes felt she was giving up the
struggle, and you hated to see that.as she was proud, and 'fiesty' we would
say in English, and you loved that in her.
You speak of the daimon.and I, perhaps because I am still only months away from
my mother's death, but also because everyone I saw in California is ageing, and
some seriously ill..I think life itself, in its very structure, is certainly
not made for our happiness. And for just that reason I wish for you all the
stubborn determination necessary to forge happiness for yourself, and for those
you love, out of nothing if necessary.
An uncle of mine, ill, recently wrote."when there is no reason for hope one must
create it."
I hope for you Fabrizio.first of all that you will hang on to your hope. Then
that your relationship will survive this crisis if that can be, and if it is
not to be that you will survive its end without becoming bitter.....that would
demean you. And without denigrating in any way a love that has lasted for
years. Of which you have been worthy.
What can I say? I remember your standing beside a train track. And the way your
collar was turned up against the cold. I remember your saying the winter was
hard for you. I care for your well-being very very much. Take care of yourself
knowing that you are esteemed and cherished. I embrace you dear friend.
Hannah[1]
[1] Caro Fabrizio,
è passata la mezzanotte e mi sono portata il computer nel mio letto per mettermi sotto le coperte e scriverti, brevemente, nella mia lingua. Ero distesa e pensavo a te. Pensavo che meriti qualcosa di meglio che una sgrammaticata ed inarticolata lettera (in italiano). Ripensavo a ciò che tu hai detto e osservato sulla tua relazione con Angelika.
Vorrei che tu avessi quello che io volevo per me una volta ma ho lasciato perdere..: che tu possa vivere il resto della tua vita “nell’” amore. Nel caldo della sua protezione. Siccome penso che tu abbia amato Angelika e sia da lei stato amato, spero che questa crisi passi e continuiate insieme. Mi chiedo però se tu potresti andare in Austria e poi ricordarti della tua famiglia e forse allora sapresti quanto duro sarebbe.. Posso immaginare che per lei anche era difficile vivere e invecchiare in un altro paese.
Fabrizio io e te viviamo la nostra esperienza di vita con metafore differenti. Idee differenti. Tu mi scrivi che il demone di Angelika non vuole che lei sia felice. Non riesco a capire quel modo di parlare. Mi ricordo anche quando dicevi (quel giorno che a Firenze stavamo scendendo un sentiero per il giardino di Boboli) che tu qualche volta sentivi che lei stava rinunciando a combattere, e tu odiavi questo. Perché tu l’avevi conosciuta come orgogliosa e “fiesty” (una botta di vita) diremmo in inglese, e tu l’avevi amata proprio per quello.
Tu parli di demoni e io, perché è passato solo pochi mesi dalla morte di mia madre, ma anche perchè tutti quelli che ho visto in California stanno invecchiando, e alcuni sono seriamente malati…penso che la vita in sé, nella sua stessa struttura, non è certo fatta per la felicità. E per questa ragione vorrei che tu avessi tutta quella determinazione possibile per crearti da solo la felicità per te e per tutti quelli che ami, anche dal nulla se necessario.
Un mio zio, malato, di recente ha scritto: “Quando non c’è nessuna ragione per avere una speranza una se la deve creare.”
Spero, per te prima di tutto, che tu possa restare attaccato alle tue speranze. Poi che la tua relazione sopravviva a questa crisi se lo potrà, e se non che tu sopravviva alla sua fine senza diventare cinico…che ti avvilirebbe. E senza denigrare in nessun modo un amore che ha durato per anni. Di cui sei stato degno.
Che posso dire ancora? Mi ricordo di te che stavi vicino al binario. E il modo il tuo bavero (del cappotto) era tirato su contro il freddo dell’inverno. Mi ricordo di te che dicevi che l’inverno era duro per te. Abbi cura di te stesso, tanta. Abbi cura di te e ricordati che tu sei amato e apprezzato..
Ti abbraccio mio caro amico.
Hannah
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